Are You Alive?

A play in three short scenes
Dedicated to my dear friend, Nia.

I.

Rosie: Are you alive?
Nia: No.
Rosie: Really?
Nia: Really.
Rosie: Well, shit.

II.

Rosie: Are you alive?
Nia: Possibly...
Rosie: What's it depend on?
Nia: What you want.
Rosie: Ooh. Ooh. I know. I want a Greek salad, some warm toasted bread, a frosty beverage, and some new shoes. And--
Nia: Nope. Definitely not alive.

III

Rosie: Psst.
Nia: ...
Rosie: Psst. Nia.
Nia: I'm busy.
Rosie: I know, but I'm bored again. I might be in hell.
Nia: Am I there?
Rosie: I don't think so. No one here seems to know you.
Nia: Niice. How'd I bypass that place?
Rosie: You made friends with the guy at the door.
Nia: Oh. Right.
Rosie: He says hi by the way.
Nia: Patrick?
Rosie: Javon.
Nia: With the hair.
Rosie: Yep.

(pause)

Rosie: Okay. Well. I'll just be down here if you need anything. From Hell.
Nia: Do they have any garlic?
Rosie: Only garlic powder.
Nia: Of course. Nevermind.

(pause)

Rosie: So...Nia...
Nia: Yeah...
Rosie: If I'm in Hell and you're not, does that mean you're alive?
Nia: Completely. I'm very much alive.
Rosie: But you said you weren't.
Nia: When?
Rosie: In the other two scenes.
Nia: I was just fuckin' with ya, doll.
Rosie: Oh, you!

(Nia and Rosie laugh and laugh and laugh while a Buddy Holly song plays in the background.)

The End.